Some people live in a world that the rest of us can't even begin to recognize.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Day 4

I barely slept last night.  The plastic 'mattress' was worn down to barely anything in the center, uneven in some places, and lumpy in others.  The 'pillow' couldn't even be folded over to add some depth to it.  At least the sheets and blanket provided some feeling of normalcy in a sleeping setting, and I was able to fold one of the sheets to add to my pillow.

Kind of surprisingly, the lights remained on all night.  Granted, they were dimmed a bit from their full setting, but I had no control over when they were dim, or when they were ON. There seemed to be some schedule but I hadn't figured it out yet.  The lights simply never went off. When it was time to sleep, I slept with my towel folded over my eyes. That worked to block the light, but I wondered if keeping the lights on was something I'd have to get used to.  For 2 years!  Ugh.. Oh, and I easily got used to my roommate's odor.  I think it was disguised by all the other odors present in the jail!

I probably slept no more than 30 minutes at a time that first night.  This was due to the 1) extreme fear,
2) the oddness of having a criminal sleeping three feet from me (one who had her hand down her pants most of the night) and 3) ear-piercing screeching, shrieking and swearing occurring for the entire night from the cell next door. The thought of 2 years of living in a situation where this kind of noise occurred all night long made me consider killing myself.  Separated from my friends and family, living in hell, having lost my job, reputation, and dignity, and knowing that two years does not go by quickly. What do I have to live for?

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